Lelah

Ketika diam mengendap.
Menyisakan ampas kehitaman, gelap dari yang tak sempat terucap.
Malam-malam sempat ku meradang.
Memukul kepala, menjerit pada yang silam.
Ku genggam lemah tangan lemah di genggaman.
Aku lelah.
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turn to right, double.

The most secured place for me is the bath room.
I'll go naked for the fuck I want and no-one to judge.

Masturbate as you please.
Staring at the plain wall and bring your self out of dimensions.
Having a mental conversation with the alters or even the spiders on the dark corner of the sink.

Remembrance. Embrace and gather memories, pick one or two, accompanied the mesmerized melody of falling water from the tap flowing to the bath.
Favorite scents.

You can touch all parts of your body and no one would raise one of the over arched eyebrows.
No one would questions the amount of time you waste by silently sitting , swearing at your life over the toilet seat.

The best feeling is, every time I go out from the bathroom, I feel brand new.
I washed all of the dirts and germs, shaking off 'the left overs' I got from strangers, disgusting pats from the rivals, evil and suspicious, judging looks from the bosses, world.
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Happy day =)

dear soul mates,
Tau ga kenapa gue mewek the time I got the birthday cake?
At that moment, gue ngerasa grateful punya kalian.
Kalian udah ada dari jaman gue piyik, nemenin thru ups and down.
Dari seragam abu-abu sampai kegendutan. =D
A cocky bitch to a depressed woman and so on, and on.

Well, I thank God for you guys.
Stay with me, bear the fascinated life.
Thank you, thank you.

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?

Apa yang terlintas di benakmu, saat pertama kali kamu membuka mata?

Kosong?

Seseorang?

Pekerjaan?

Setumpuk tagihan?

Atau masih tersisa harapan?

Atau keinginan untuk menyudahi hari? dan berhenti disini?

The dark grey clouds, heavy with the rain and thunders.

As I standing here, my head wandered

Self loathe

Bitter curses

What are you doing? , ask a dear heart

Nothing. Besides breathing and trying to not kill my self. Its nothing.

Problem is : 

I am easily triggered. 

Karma & Dharma

I've lost it.
I wept like a spoiled kid.
I felt like a spider got tangled on his own made web.
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*its just

'Kamu kenapa diem banget?'
'Ha? Eh, engga. Engga papa.'
'What's in your head? Ga biasa biasanya kamu diem gini.'
'Um, nothing. Capek doang kali'
"Oh. Seriously. Seorang kamu? Kamu thypus aja masih bawel. Tell me."
"Haha. Ah. Yeah. There's things on my head"
"Such as?"
"Such, I can't watch the annual concerts with you"
"Oh. Why? Another business trip? Kan masih lama banget, tumben banget jadwalnya udah keluar"
"No.."
"And? Why?"
"Gue ga yakin masih hidup sampai tahun depan. Some stupid cancer, stadium-stadium terakhir"
"........... Jangan boong"
"Menurut kamu, hal kaya gitu aku bisa bohong? Ah forget it. Temenin aku belanja yuk. Ga mau keliatan nestapa."
"........................."
"Hey, kamu kenapa? Ini sekarang aku ga diem. Kamu malah gantian diem"
".........hhh. Hiks hiks hiks"
"Please, don't cry. Or I will sing that song"
(Sedu sedan)
"Don't cry, don't be shy..kamu cantik apa adanya.."

*******
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3.0

I'm thirty. And I am what?
I am sucks.
I'm thirty. And I am what?
I have mental issues.
I'm thirty. And I am what?
I am overly give a fuck about a littlest thing I shouldn't.
I'm thirty. And I am what?
I forget how does it feels to be alive.
I'm thirty. And I'm signing out.
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FUCK YOU! ALL!

Really! Its a fuck you all!
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I want you
I don't want you
I want friends
I want to be alone
I want to be strong
I want to give up

*mual
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Mad

And she turns in to a destructive machine.
She hits the demolition buttons.
Without even thinking, she's destroying everything.
'I hate it all' , she whispered and laughing uncontrollably.
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Bruises I wear on my sleeves

hey Mr. Morrison would you please sing me this song?

"I Won't Let You Go"

When it's black
Take a little time to hold yourself
Take a little time to feel around before it's gone
You won't let go but you still keep on falling down
Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs
Yeah

If there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go

Say those words
Say those words like there's nothing else
Close your eyes and you might believe
That there is some way out
Yeah

Open up
Open up your heart to me now
Let it all come pouring out
There's nothing I can't take

And if there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

And if you feel the fading of the light
And you're too weak to carry on the fight
And all your friends that you count on have disappeared
I'll be here not gone, forever holding on

If there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

I won't let you go
I won't let
I won't let you go
No, I won't let
I won't let you go
I won't let you go

I don't quite sure what is really happened to me.

They say that I need a shrink, well sometimes I think what I really need is an escape from the life.

I can't connect with the feeling, I can't take maybe. 

I doubted everything related with the emotions.

Do I really feel it?

Does it really exist?

Who are you?

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see
Sent from BlackBerry® device ; please kindly excuse typos, brevity, abbreviations or anacoluthia.

It meant to be a journal.
I am so sad.
I dig my arm with my nails I don't even realized it.
I want my bed.
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I am so freaking tired, I don't think I have energy to suicide.
Shot me. Please.
Sent from BlackBerry® device ; please kindly excuse typos, brevity, abbreviations or anacoluthia.

Numb.
Noners. Unexplainable. Me. Blah
Sent from BlackBerry® device ; please kindly excuse typos, brevity, abbreviations or anacoluthia.

Sature

Duduk sendirian siang di Food Court di salah satu pusat perbelanjaan di Ibu Kota.
Gue menyeret kursi ke arah pilar, mengubah sedikit tatanan mereka, mencari tempat untuk menyandarkan punggung. Menghadap jendela-jendela kaca besar yang menyuguhkan padatnya pemukiman di sekitar mall ini.

Meja kayu hijau berlapis vynil, kursi berbentuk U terbalik tanpa sandaran. Segelas es shanghai di mangkuk bulat, dengan sirop merah jambu. Jaket, buku, sebungkus kotak langsing berisi lintingan tembakau dan geretan oranye. Asbak gue buat dari salah satu halaman agenda kerja.

Sendiri. Sesak. Berfikir.
Headset sudah ku lepas dari telinga, ternyata lagu ga membantu, malah bikin tambah riuh.

30 tahun, di sabtu siang, perut sedikit melilit. (Haha - note : yang paling gue ga suka dari duduk sendirian di suatu tempat adalah tiba-tiba harus ke toilet dan ga ada orang yang bisa dititipi barang-barang lo)

Okay.
Memutuskan untuk meninggalkan buku, es dan rokok, menitipkan ke mas-mas disitu supaya jangan diberesin dulu. Ngacir berdamai dengan perut .

Memikirkan orang-orang tertentu yang saat ini (mungkin juga) sedang sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing.

Kalian. Saya. Apa yang terjadi?

Laughter, kisses,hugs, discarded cards, folded envelopes, return calls.
Scarred. Dreams. Layers.

Gue takut dengan masa yang akan datang.

Bukan dengan siapa. Tapi apa yang akan gue lakukan dengan apa yang gue punya.
Satu-satu. Seharusnya. Bukan sekaligus. Bukan semua.

Sent from BlackBerry® device ; please kindly excuse typos, brevity, abbreviations or anacoluthia.

Saya hidup di era dimana agama dan tuhan jadi urusan bersama.

Dimana Tuhan sebenarnya?

senja kala kubiarkan kepalaku liar.

menahun.

 

Bagaimana kalau aku membiarkan tangan kanan ku menarik pedal gas maksimal kemudian melepaskannya, di tengah hiruk pikuk lalu lintas?

Menyerahkan nyawa pada benda berkecepatan maksimal.

Apakah badanku akan terhempas bebas di aspal.

Hentakan akselarasi mesin, terbanting ke kiri dan aku ke kanan.

Siapa yang akan menghabisiku?

aspal?

atau kendaraan di belakangnya?

what would i feel?

what is forever?

can you describe how long forever is?

GOD, are you forever?

(Repost) Jam 9 sampai jam 1?

dengan box ditangan, gatel,deg2an,penasaran, miserable,

pengen jadi 'gollum'..lari mundur..sambil teriak2 parau..'this is my precious'..=)

finally, my own world..tapi..kok tetep..miserable ya..harusnya it doesnt matter, gue kan ga mengiyakan apa2...am I?

**

one unfortunate event di suatu malam

(Repost) Gebles

1 budek + 1 rabun jauh (agak buta warna juga) – Saturday night fever, 2 minggu yang lalu

Lyd  (budeg)               : "Cowo cakep, yang baju merah"

Lis (rabun jauh, buta warna – ngeliat ke bawah)        :  "Yang sepatunya apa?"

Lyd                             : "Yang baju merah, sebelah baju putih"

Lis                               : "Iya, tapi yang apa sepatunya. Gw buta warna juga tau?"

Lyd                             : "Ditengah, antara baju biru ama baju putih…"

Lis                               : "Aaargh, tapi sepatunya apa?" (mulai meradang, nengul dari samping Lyd, dan dibalas dengan kejam pake tas ransel berisi diktat manajemen 2 semester..)

Huahehehehehehehe..Bodoh…bodoh, ketawa lo yang puas, gue berdua ga sinting sebegitunya tauuu? Ngarep aje.

Anyway..yang kita kecengin adalah anak SMP, bernama Liberty & Bayu 'ga pake  Ayo" – yang lg ngeband dan ngingetin Lyd ama gebetan jaman udzur *tenang Genk, ga bakal gue sebut disini juga, walopun udah diujung lidah*

Next: (selesai 3 lagu menye2, kita bdua masih ngarep..walo udah agak illfill…)

Lyd+Lis                      : "Fey, panggilin mereka dong buat foto bareng…"

Fey (SMP juga )          : "Oke…."

Next: photo2 bareng. (jeng,,jeeeng,,,jeeng,….berasa photo guru TK ama murid2nya..hehehehehehe)

(terakhir, gue berdua berhasil sangat ilfill, setelah ngeliat hasil, ternyata mereka*sang vokalis&gitaris* ga photogenic…susah ngorbit kayanya..hehehehehe)

moral of  story : biar muda, belum tentu cakep.

****

Begeeenk, lo inget ga sih yang kita palentinan di Kapel? foto bareng anak2 kecil ngeband. hihi

Fwd: (Repost) - Madness

Gue udah makin 'sinting' barangkali, suaranya temen gue (beneran suara yang gue biasa denger tiap hari) pagi ini  mancing emosi gue. Begitu denger suara dia, komentar,  nanya sesuatu bahkan yang casual pun (such as : jam berapa?)  tiba2 lahar panas mengalir pelan melawan gravitasi  dari dada, leher ke kepala. Gue kebakar. Pengen gue  ajakin berantem, gue teriak2in, gue jambak2in, (ih berlebih..tapi beneran kepengen…)

Tapi gue musti bilang apa? Masa gue bilang "GUE GA SUKA DENGER SUARA LOOOO!"… hehehehehe sinting!

(sekarang gue cuma bisa ngerepeat mantra : "sabar, sabar..sabar..sabar…Dia temen gue. Gue yang gila. sabar, sabar..sabar..sabar…Dia temen gue. Gue yang gila". Begitu aja terus, dan berharap dia ga terus-terusan ngomong..)

(Tulisan dari blog lama. Nyengir baca draft ini masih ada, inget gimana sebelnya gue denger suara si temen, tanpa gue tau sebabnya)

The Tale

Akumencintaimu seperti laron pada cahaya. Dekat, hangat lalu mati.
Baris kalimat itu aku ketik tergesa sepuluhmenit sebelum aku boarding.
Sudahkesekian kali, sekarang aku harus menyelamatkan diriku sendiri.
Send.
Report Delivered.
Hembus nafas. "Okay".  Bisikku sendiri, mencengkeram tali backpackdi pundak, menguatkan hati. Tanganku sedikit gemetar me-nonaktifkan handphone.

(Repost) Love

Bc        : "If there is a monster. Just run, don't look back, and don't stop. Run from autumn till spring.  I don't want you to be so cocky. Just run, ok?"

Bb       : "ok, Hun"

Bc        : "Don't forget to Bel Delete Rating your shots. Put those on orders; put the title, date and everything necessary. Do it A.S.A.P. Do not postponed it. Make sure the cam is empty every time you finished the routine. So you won't be confused which picture you have saved and which one is the new taken. What?... Are you going to give me that look?"

Bb       : "hahahaha, what look? It is a look of love, Hun. I really do appreciate every attention you gave me. I do feel so grateful to have you as my partner. You are a good lover and a good manager. I love you. Now, come here give me a big hug and a tasteful kiss"

Bb       : " I love you too. I am gonna miss you, clumsy. Don't get killed ya?"

Bc        : " Ok, I won't kill anyone, including me self. Miss you already…You behave , 'kay? I will call you every evening around 7, that's the only time they give me to breathe. So, please make sure the line is for me. Only me. Promise? "

Bb       : "well done"

(Repost) - Thoughts

1.Ga ada orang yang pantes untuk diperlakukan buruk

(dengan catatan : kalau lo sanggup dan bersedia menangin egonya orang diatas manja dan egoisnya lo sendiri)

2. Semua orang itu brengsek, dengan caranya sendiri-sendiri.

(No further explanation or comments)

3. Mana yang lebih dulu? Sensitive terus marah, atau karena marah jadi sensitive?

4. Salah ngga, kalau rasa marah bisa dianggap hal positif sebagai pertanda kalau rasa memiliki masih ada. Atau ternyata memang, rasa marah adalah hal negative yang ga ada bagus-bagusnya?

5. Orang beragama belum tentu orang bermoral ataupun sebaliknya. Meski secara ideal harusnya dua hal itu jadi satu.

6. Manusia hidup dengan double standard. Satu saat pake hukum norma di lain saat pake otak dan hatinya sendiri dengan alasan kebebasan berkehendak yang diberi Tuhan.

7. Ni ya, kalau ada orang yang bilang orang lain disekitarnya orang – orang desperate yang ga punya pilihan, seharusnya dia mikir lagi. Siapa sebenarnya yang ga punya pilihan dan begitu desperatenya sampe dia ga bisa ngebedain antara hubungan mutualisme dan pemanfaatan sepihak..You think you're the super human huh

One of These Days

Terik. Tiga puluh menit. Terbakar.

Lelaki itu mengusap peluh. Gelisah. Matanya menyipit menatap pintu itu dengan penuh harap. Ia mendengus tak sabar. Ditahan-tahannya diri untuk tidak melihat jam di pergelangan tangannya. Ia sudah melihatnya 1 menit yang lalu. Masih sama. Masih di angka 12, itu berarti belum cukup alasan untuknya merogoh saku, mengambil handphone dan mengeluh panjang pendek pada yang ia tunggu. Dia tahu terik yang ia rasakan adalah kesalahannya sendiri, ia yang memilih tempat dan waktunya.

Mendadak matanya sedikit berbinar tapi redup lagi ketika pintu biru itu terayun terbuka dan seorang perempuan keluar.. Yang baru saja keluar dari balik pintu itu, bukan yang ia tunggu-tunggu. Ibunya.

Ia melihat kesekelilingnya, sebentar lagi, sebentar lagi, bisik lirihnya sambil mengayun badan ke depan dan ke belakang. Tidak lagi berdiri, Ia memutuskan untuk duduk di bawah pohon, di dekat ayunan. Resahnya menjadi-jadi. Berkali-kali dia menatap bergantian pintu dan jam tangannya. Sudah jam 1 siang. Ibu seharusnya sudah keluar sekarang.

Bunyi bel sekolah melengking tinggi, dia gusar menutup telinganya. Dia tidak menyukai suara keras. Matanya tak berkedip, pintu biru itu tiba-tiba terhentak, dari sana berhamburan anak-anak sekolah. Saling dorong, teriak, gelak tawa, riuh. Ia memincingkan mata, menahan nafas kemudian lirih berhitung.

Ibu bilang ia harus berhitung  pelan-pelan sampai angka tiga puluh agar dia tidak sesak nafas. Karena  setiap dia merasa cemas, dia akan menahan nafas, setelah itu ia akan sesak nafas, ia tidak suka. Karena itu Ibunya selalu  menyuruh, setiap kali ia gelisah, dia harus berhitung sampai tiga puluh agar dia tidak lupa bernafas dan jadi sakit dadanya.

Riuh lautan anak-anak sudah mereda, perlahan dia bangkit berdiri, hitungannya hampir selesai. Tapi Ibu belum keluar juga, ia belum melihatnya hari ini, kemarin juga tidak. Tidak seminggu ini. Bibi bilang Ibunya tidak akan pulang karena sudah meninggal. Ia tidak percaya, Ibunya belum tua. Orang harus tua dulu baru bisa meninggal. Itu yang Ibu bilang.

Sudah jam 1 lebih, Ibunya belum keluar juga. Paniknya berubah menjadi frustasi. .

Ia ingin sekali berlari menyeberangi lapangan itu dan masuk ke dalam mencari ibunya, tapi takut. Ia mau ibunya ada disini, menenangkannya.

Perut bawahnya mulai geli.. …Airmata mengalir deras dari pelupuknya, ia menyesal telah mengotori celananya sendiri. "Anak laki-laki berumur 16 tahun tidak boleh ngompol. Tidak pantas"  Bibirnya bergetar mengulangi kalimat bibinya.

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

(uninvited – alanis morissette)

Barbarian

For I am a butcher, nor a farmer.
I choose thebest cattle, took a good care on it and when the day came,

I slit thethroat, quick and easy through the vein.

And it gone.

Need to let it out

'Sekali aja tolongin mama kamu, biar dia bisa kondangan di Jakarta', Her.

Nyah. For god sake.
Itu buat kepentingan pribadi lo, seinget gue.

I told you, gue ga punya duit. I have budget. I have list dan kondangan ga masuk disitu.
Please, ngerti kek.
It hurts my ego too kali, tapi gue musti realistis. My parent need medication and that's where my money goes lately.

I don't fucking care about wedding reception. I don't.

So, just shut up. I won't flew my mom just to accompany you to go to stupid wedding reception, I don't even think my mom really know the bride and groom.

Sigh. Please put this in mind 'your day is over, stop bossing'
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Kangen mantan dan segala hal bodoh yang kami lakukan.
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O.U.T

Ingatanku terlalu pendek untuk bisa mengingat kapan terakhir kali kamu berucap cinta.

Kata pengertian , perhatian dan sayang jadi lebih perkasa sejak hari itu.
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Say isn't it so

Sesenggukan ga bisa nangis itu malah rese ya rasanya.
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Reflection :

Gue inget dimana aja gue pernah komentar. Dan anehnya sampai sekarang gue inget gimana perasaan ngebaca semua itu.

 

Overrated

One word.
Sucks.
Big time.
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Wild thoughts.

Jadi single pun masih bingung what's to do and what's not to do.
Hihi.
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Emergency Exit

I need one.
I need to escape from this uncertainty.


#Probably it is better if I found my self a totally new life.

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All I know.
Kadang katub emosi bisa sebocor itu.
You don't have any right reasons to cry, but there you're helplessly sobbing.

*puffy eyes
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Dan nangis jongkok di kamar mandi dengan busa shampoo di kepala dan sabun cair di seluruh badan tidak terdengar bodoh sama sekali.

Finally. I cried.
Let go.bitch. Let go.
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I am so tired inside I want to shot my self in the head.
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Dunnosaurs -1

hahaha.

baru nemu gambar ini lagi.

dulu baru seneng-senangnya gambar dino.

Bikin series dunnosaurus - the dino who don't know.

 

4th /10

I am such a failure.
Masa gue muntah lagi. Bencong!!!!!!

This is stoppid. Such a waste of money.

Damn it.
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Untuk setiap perjalanan yang kita rencanakan dan belum kita lakukan, akan ku selesaikan di mimpi.

Untuk setiap cium dan peluk yang ingin aku berikan, akan ku genggam di hati,

Untuk semua kata-kata manis yang ingin kukatakan sebelum kau terlelap, akan kubakar di kepalaku sendiri.

 

*selalu tapi tidak selamanya.

threatening

I composed this draft to let you know, Leave the fuck my world alone.
You can do anything you'd like or you'd want, but not in the place where the authority is moi.
So. Leave.

Got the point? Go the fuck out of my head. This is my head talking.
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Sunday Mass - Karawang

Hari ini gue misa di Karawang, karena gue menginap mengunjungi si kakak yang sedang hamil (lagi).

Lama banget ga bisa minggu pagi.
Ternyata. Gue kangen misa minggu pagi.
Berasa kaya jaman aku kecil, gereja luas , udara pagi, jendela lebar-lebar.

Senang.

God Bless Us

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Perpetual

Setiap aku teringat, aku mendenguskan 'huh!'. Maksimal. Sepenuh hati.

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(Teteup) nglilir

It was nothing! Seriously, it was just a kiss. A 'nano' thing if I want to compared with all the 'mega' or even 'giga' we have.

__

But to me, coming from you. Nothing is nothing, every single little thing you'd considered nothing is something for me.

*mindfuck
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(Masih) ngelilir

Bahkan, ama nyamuk yang nemenin kamu tidur pun aku cemburu.

*ama bantal juga , guling, selimut, meja , kursi, sofa biru, semua bergerak mengurungku!mengapa semua aku yang salah, begitu serba salah. Kram otak! Kram otak! (Hloh)
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*nglilir

How can I not love you?
You're so good in blue.
The scars, the wound and the pain suits you.
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(R)evolution

(c.on.fess.ion)

3rd / 10

Oh yeah.

Bisa dibilang gue cukup senang latihan kemarin, walaupun tidak terlalu puas.

Ada beberapa kali gue drop di tiap sesi, keabisan nafas. nyah.

Tapi yaaa, gue untuk pertama kalinya selama seminggu ini ngerasa lebih enak badannya.

Ga pake mewek, ga pake balsem.

Atau Ivy melembek ama gue, mengingat Selasa lalu tepar parah.

Ah whatever, yang jelas aku senang ga meringis-meringis tiap jalan.

hihihihi.

 

SEMANGAAAAAAT!

The Illusion

Ku harap hatiku mengerti ini.
Sekali terucap tidak akan kutarik kembali.
Aku mencintaimu dan aku harus pergi. Sekarang. Saat ini.

*kepalaku
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One of the nicht.

Mana yang musti gue stop dulu?

1. Peeling. Gue mulai peeling 4 hari yg lalu, karena gue pikir muka gue mulai kusem. So, I thought, let's do it.
Perih mampus ternyata.

2. Fitness. Hari ini, hari kedua ama PT gue. Dan gue sukses muntah2 musti dijemput Nova buat pulang.
Dan sekarang gue ga bisa bangun tanpa muttering f word. Haha.

Sekarang gue duduk di pinggir kasur, perih-perih di muka dan otot gue yang mengejang di seluruh badan.
A wow combination.

Ga ada yang mau gue stop. Gue udah mulai, jadi mari dinikmati.

A way to go bitch. Eat that. =)))
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2nd / 10 (PT's assisted)

I am so dizzy. My legs are like Jell-O
Damn.
Exercising with empty stomach is simply stupid.
I think I'll skipped the work tomorrow.
I can't stand straight. Craziness.

It's gonna be a sissy night.

*I asked Nova to picked me up. Because I don't think I can drive my self home.

*based on BMI, I am obese. Nothing new. I know.
After this I'll put my self on detox program again. I am obsessed.

Obese obsessed. Rhymes.


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This soreness wont kill me

However, moderate muscle pain might go a long way to keeping someone on the path to fitness.

"Soreness can serve as encouragement in a workout program because people like immediate results.

Muscle doesn't visibly [grow] overnight; nor does your time in the mile drop from eight to six minutes," says Draper.

"So something like soreness can give people encouragement that they are in fact working the muscle."

 

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/guide/sore-muscles-keep-exercising?page=3

 

AMEEEEEEN.

 

This kind of thing bikin naikin mood.

omongkosong

Semua omong kosong di kepalaku tentang semua omong kosong yang pernah ku pikir kau ucapkan pada detik itu.

 

 

 

Officialy mewek.
Otot gw sakit semua
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Dear Dad,

Seperti halnya kalo aku minta duit buat sulam alis, seabsurd dan ga se-masuk akal itu keinginan Papa untuk mumpuni anak sulung Papa dan keluarganya liburan ke Bali.

You're just too weird Pa....

h/ache

I need to get a good rest.

I mean these days, anxiety gue menanjak.

Ga tidur di bawah jam 12 dan jam 3 pasti tiba-tiba kebangun, unknown reasons.

And it needs awhile for me to get my self back to sleep.

Gue sih ga ngerasa punya masalah berat ya.

Tapi mungkin ada beberapa hal yang agak ngganjel.

Yah sudahlah,

I need to get some sleep now.

B, can I crash over? As I remember, your bed is so comfy.

sigh.

Hippo's wish

For you to return very soon, Flamingo.

***
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Attention junkie

*mulai nulis dengan nyengir-nyengir*

Jadi yaaaa, kemarin itu eh ga kemarin juga deng, udah beberapa hari bosen banget mainan twitter.
Maenan apalagi ya yang tetap bisa nyampah kilat?

Mau ngeplurk, lupa password. Hihi. Dan kayanya teman-teman seplurkan juga udah ga pada aktif.

Jadi saya iseng. Main muka buku. Facebook, man.

Saya tuh jarang buanget buka facebook. Selain saya ga gitu nyaman tapi yang utama adalah saya gagap facebook. Serius.
Kalau udah login, saya bingung mau ngapain. Buat logout aja kadang musti nelp Nova atau si mantan. 'Bok, kalau mau keluar dari facebook, sebelah mana ya?" Atau 'cong, kalau mau cari temen dari yang mana sih'. Hihi. Iya, saya sekatro itu.

Kenapa saya ga nyaman? Karena saya manusia nyinyir dan 'teman-teman' saya di facebook menurut saya 'ga bisa' nerima kenyinyiran saya.

Thu kan saya nyinyir. Hihi.

Jadi, teman di facebook itu adalah keluarga (adik, kakak, sepupu, oom , tante, sodara-sodara jauh dekat 2rb rupiah, halah ) teman2nya si keluarga yang pada akhirnya kenal saya juga, teman SD SMP SMU Kuliah Rumah.
Jadi genre'nya terlalu luas. Masyarakat majemuk. Dan saya introvert. (Yeah right)

Pokoknya gitu deh.

Jadi, kemarin saya saking garingnya ama twitter. Iseng lah login ke facebook. Pakai lupa password segala.

Terus niat banget update status sampai berapa kali gitu. Sampah banget.

Beberapa menit doang langsung dapat response.

Saya takjub.

Apa yang orang-orang ini lakukan? Mantengin update status temannya?

Saya jadi merhatiin status 'teman-teman'. Dan makin takjub. Hampir semua memiliki pola yang sama. Dramatis.

Resepnya sama. Menggantung.

Kaya gini ni 'sakit hatiku mengingatnya' or 'resah menunggumu.......' . Pokoknya, galau-galau ga jelas. Semua ditambah titik-titik dibelakangnya.

Hihi.

Saya sih jadi mikir ya, di facebook kemampuan berbahasa mungkin jadi meningkat ya, karena orang jadi tertantang buat flash update yang baru tentang dirinya..

Lebih gampang mengungkapkan perasaan. Yang lain'pun jadi lebih mudah menanggapi.

Kebayang ga sih, teman anda bilang didepan anda, 'aku resah menunggunya...' Hahahha. Mau jawab apa coba?.

Well, kalau buat saya, moral of the story is :

Ternyata gampang banget cari perhatian. Update'lah status mu di facebook. Tapi soal genuine apa engga. Itu urusan lain. =p

Me. Attention whore.
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It will always be a fucked up situation in the mid of the fucked up minds.

I will leave you people alone.

Because this is the fuck I cant bear anymore.

 

 

 

Niche

Hated that I can't called anyone to put me back to sleep. I don't even feel drowsy at all.
I should really learn to let go this clingy feeling inside.

*sore throat, anxiety, my body alarmed awake at every movements.
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Es Nanas - Ex Man

Terkadang berat melepas kau pergi
Ku bertanya mungkinkah kau sadari
Bumi berputar, cuaca berganti
Dan ku tahu hatimu tlah mengerti

Reff:
Thanks to the ex-man for a beautiful moment
and thanks to the ex-man for a lesson i learned

Kubertanya apakah kau mengerti
Betapa aku tetap menyayangi
Begitu banyak yang telah dijalani
Dan tak mungkin mengharapmu kembali

Reff-2x

Terkadang berat melepas kau pergi
Dan ku tahu hatimu tlah mengerti
Bumi berputar, cuaca berganti
Dan ku yakin tak perlu ku sesali

reff-4x

++++

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-3a71-Ruhg

 

Lagu jadul ini selalu jadi soundtrack kalo abis putus. hihihi.

 

01$

I hate you. I don't know why do I hate you. But I know one thing. I hate you.
----
Baby, let it go. We're off. It is off.
---
Yeah. Since when?
---
A year ago?
---
Oh sure. The day you had a date with a rapist?
---
It's my therapist. MY THERAPHIST! For fuck sake! I need to see a therapist to safe my life from your DOWNFALL! But thanks to YOU! I found my self a person who would take cares of me. LET ME GO. Its sad if threw your hatred at me. But you know what? I don't fucking care. You can hate me in any form you'd like. Because I know its not me. The problem is YOU.
---
SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!
Or I'll......
---
Or what?! OR WHAT!
---
Oh.fuck. (Gun's blast)
(Another shot gun)
H.h.h.....(Muttering words from a blood chocked lungs) I..love..you...(Paused)..Not.

--------------------

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